I will live and I will live for no one else but me. And I will work hard for what I want, and I will do it for myself. “Why enjoy today when you can worry about tomorrow.” Was the motto of my life.Īnd that’s wrong. I simply need to enjoy every single day that I get.Īll my life I’ve been such a pessimist, always looking at the bad side of things, scared of taking risks, scared of disappointing anyone. No one knows what life has planned for you. I could get hit by a bus or win the lottery. You need to enjoy every single moment, no matter what anyone say.īecause you never know what tomorrow brings. You have to live it, you are the one who’s trying to get out of the maze. So stop trying to please others and instead please yourself. No matter what you do, someone won’t approve of it. ![]() I need to stop living for my family and start living for myself. And I shouldn’t be ashamed or sad if I go to College 6 months or 12 months later than planned. I need to learn to appreciate what I have. I need to learn to enjoy my life and be happy with what I have right now. And then I will figure things out, step by step. I always rush things, I always want to be the best and I am a perfectionist. I just need to learn how to relax, to take things slower. I’ve been wanting this all my life and I refuse to let my financial situation define my future. And I thought, Hey, maybe there still is a chance for me to achieve my dreams. But then I started talking to Colleges that actually help you with the financial aid, so called ‘need blind admission’. Then suddenly I was in junior year and started to realize how expensive a US-College is and how many tests and documents you have to get. And naive as I was I kept holding onto that dream. So how am I supposed to make such important decisions?Įver since I was in 5th grade I knew I wanted to go to College. I can’t even decide what to have for dinner tomorrow. I may be 18 but I’m still a child and people are expecting from me that I have my 10-year-life-plan finished and planned out. Like I won’t be here anymore in 6 months. When I think about my future, about where I see myself in 6 months, I see nothing. Lately I feel like I don’t even know what I am doing anymore. ![]() But now that the time has come, I’m freaking scared. I just graduated from High School, and ever since I was in 5th grade, I knew what I wanted to do afterwards. And the reason for that is pretty simple. And one day we will die, because we lived.Īnd I thought about this a lot lately, the meaning of life. 'Living and dying are actually different words for the same thing ' - Extraordinary Means, Robyn Schneiderīecause in the end we all live, to die one day. But what happens once we make it out of it? What is waiting at the finish line? Is there happiness waiting for us? Will our dreams come true once we escape the maze? Or is simply death waiting for us? What if the goal of life is to die. We are all wandering around, trying to find our way out of it. ![]() ![]() What exactly is ‘life’? We breathe and speak and think and eat and drink every day, but for what? What are we living for? What is the goal? What is waiting at the finish line? "At some point we all look up and realize we are lost in a maze." (John Green, "Looking for Alaska") I’ve been worrying a lot about my future lately. I guess this is like a diary entry for me.
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